When a couple quarrels, it can actually be resolved as long as one party gives in and apologizes. However, some people just can't say the three words "I'm sorry", which turns the normal situation into a cold war and finally breaks up. Many times, "I'm sorry" is harder to say than "I love you." So why is it so difficult to apologize in love?
1: Self-defense of "It's not my fault" Psychology
In fact, many conflicts in life are related to this kind of self-defense psychology. There is a saying that I believe you must have heard, that is, "There is no empathy in this world."
Especially when a problem arises, people's subconscious reaction is to think of what to say and what to do that is best for themselves.
Self-defense psychology:
This is also a self-protection mentality. Once you activate this self-defense mechanism in a quarrel, you will refuse to admit your mistakes.
Two: Self-preservation psychology
Admitting that you are wrong means admitting that you are not good enough, damaging your own image and authority, which will lead to a decline in your status in the other person's heart. .
I have a friend who never admits his mistakes when he quarrels with his boyfriend. When it comes to love, it is true that the discussion is not about right or wrong, but about minor issues.
My boyfriend will also apologize as soon as he apologizes, regardless of who is right or wrong. The two of them will reconcile as before, and the matter will soon be over.
But this also brings some problems, that is, every time we quarrel, even if it is indeed her friend's fault, she will not take the initiative to bow her head and give in.
Even when the other party tries to reason with her, she will block her directly without saying a word, waiting for the other party to add her over and over again, and when she is in a better mood, she will come back again.
This leads to the fact that although the boyfriend apologizes every time, his attitude and tone become more and more perfunctory. From the initial apology immediately after being blocked, it turns into a cold war, and the reason for the breakup is exactly the same. It's because my friend doesn't admit his mistakes.
Three: The problem of getting along has become acute
My boyfriend works overtime for a period of time, which will take away part of the work. When I got home, an important document was thrown into the trash can by my friend. The friend knew that he was wrong, but he kept being stubborn and refused to apologize.
I was anxious because I lost my boyfriend’s documents, so I spoke in a more serious tone. As a result, the focus of the argument was immediately changed to “you don’t love me” by my friend. This time, my friend blocked me and never waited for the other person’s reply. Apologize.
Does apologizing mean that you are not good enough? Not so. Apologizing is a means to break the deadlock and a reflection of your love for the other person.
What an apology represents is your softened attitude. It allows the other person to see your desire to get better, and it will make him feel that you are also caring.care about him and gain more security.
Four: How to make a reasonable transition
If you are habitually unreasonable or unreasonable, causing the other party to suppress himself for a long time, it is very detrimental to the long-term relationship. develop.
Just like the friend in my case, no matter you are a man or a woman, do not squander each other’s love at will, as your emotional account will be overdrawn.
But not all apologies are useful. Some apologies add fuel to the fire. The more you apologize, the worse the relationship. To apologize correctly, you have to learn to say this:
Five: Don’t defend yourself too much, sincerely admit your mistakes
Don’t say “but” after “I’m sorry”. Once you start to shirk responsibility verbally, apologize. It will become a disguised attack.
The content after "but" is actually telling the other party, "I am not wrong, I admit my mistake, and I just hope to end the quarrel." This kind of self-defense attitude will push the other party further.
Six: Don’t defend yourself too much, sincerely admit your mistakes
One of the main reasons why “apologies are useless” is that you have been using self-righteous ways to compensate him, and he wants to I asked for apples, but you brought me a cart of pears.
You apologize, but he or she cannot feel your sincerity. This apology is more like a perfunctory one.
In fact, you can acknowledge the other person's efforts, buy a gift that the other person has liked for a long time but has not bought, or even bring a bouquet of favorite flowers to the other person on the way home.
This is far more useful than apologizing in a flashy way that the other party doesn’t like.
Seven: Don’t blindly accept mistakes
There are some trivial problems, and it really doesn’t matter who admits the mistake. But if it is an issue related to your own interests and principles, and if you are not the one at fault, don't coddle the other party and let him or her habitually act unreasonably.
Long-term concession is not a good thing, but will make the seemingly harmonious relationship accumulate more resentment.
In an intimate relationship, if you say "I'm sorry", you may get the other person's "It's okay, I love you" in return. I hope you all in love can understand this truth.
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